The Menendez Coffin in St. Augustine, Florida

Is it a casket or a coffin? This question is an old one that is guaranteed to make any funeral director raise an eyebrow and sneer if answered improperly. My impression was always that a casket is the newer style of burial container, the ones that look like fancy boxes. The coffin usually refers to a plainer box with a shape to it, like a toe-pincher. I love them both.

When I was a kid growing up in Tallahassee I had to go on a field trip to St. Augustine just about every year when I was in elementary school. The obligatory stop was the Fountain of Youth and the Mission Nombre de Dios, the site of the first Mass in St. Augustine in 1565. The Mission was always my favorite. The churchyard had beautiful old oaks and was on the water, so there was always a nice breeze and a pretty view. Even then I loved the lichen-covered headstones and the smell of the inside of the chapel, like incense and candle wax. It’s a magical place, so please be sure to visit.

Inside the onsite museum is the casket of General Pedro Menendez de Aviles, who came here to colonize the land for Spain and to convert the Indians to Christianity; he essentially brought Catholicism to the U.S. His casket is actually a cover, he is now in an urn in Spain. The outer casket was inside the entrance to the church gift shop when I was little, and to be honest, I really miss my view of it when I was eye level with it.

The coffin is painted a glossy black with gold lettering over the entire surface, and skulls and crossbones decorate it as well. The lock on it is huge and formidable, and I’ve wanted to see the key to it my entire life but never have. While my classmates were wreaking havoc on the grounds and chasing squirrels and screaming I would stand and look at the casket, quietly and respectfully wondering about it. I think even as a kid I understood that I would be working around death one day. I still love caskets and casket hardware, though with an appreciative eye rather than a morbid one. When a fancy one comes into the funeral home now I’m starting to recognize the brands and know the features, something I never expected to say about myself.

This casket is certainly befitting the first governor of Florida. He died of typhus in Santander, Spain in 1574. The original coffin was presented to the city of St. Augustine in 1924 by Aviles, Spain, where his body now lies. Well, his remains, anyway. He was moved around a LOT for various reasons, and now what’s left of his body is in a marble urn placed on a wall near the pulpit in the Parish Church of St. Nicholas. And it’s a bit odd, but he is on Find A Grave with photos of the coffin inside the museum listed as grave photos, but as I mentioned it’s actually empty.

If you get the chance please visit St. Augustine to see this beautiful coffin and stroll through the grounds of Mission Nobre de Dios. While I like the Fouintain of Youth park, I’ll admit that I can still remember the taste of that foul water. But go drink it anyway -because you never know. The last time I got to visit was on New Year’s Eve, thankfully before the afternoon cocktail hour. I visited the Ice Plant on Riberia Street for the upstairs bar view and something fancy to drink, and then spent the rest of the afternoon trying to keep my balance as I walked around. I’ll admit though that it’s nice to see that city through a haze of alcohol. I highly recommend it.



Observations On A Recent Death

Listen, I tell you a mystery; we will not all sleep, but we will all be changed.

1 Corinthians 15:51

 

Before Father’s Day I was at home one night and got a text from my mom. My cousin wasn’t well, he was being transferred to a medical center in Gainesville, and he wasn’t expected to survive the night.

I sat staring at the text and thinking, “What? How?” We’d never even heard that he was sick, or that anything was wrong at all. How do you go from nothing wrong to not expected to make it that fast?

Well, he didn’t survive. At 8:30 that night I got the second text. It’s over.

They had placed him on life support long enough for the family to get there, and that was that.

I saw my cousin at Christmas and had been deeply shocked by the change in him; his skin looked pale and had an odd color, and he seemed  to be heavier than usual and almost sluggish. He didn’t want to hug anyone, saying that he was getting over the flu. He did sound bad, so I believed it. But it was so odd to watch this usually vibrant, happy man and loving father watch everyone from the sidelines and not interact. I believed that it was because he wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want anyone else to get sick.

The day of the funeral Shawn drove me to Lake City to be with everyone. The last time we had all gathered for a funeral was when my grandfather had died years before, an extremely painful grieving process for all of us. It was so surreal to sit on my aunt and uncle’s back porch with family everywhere, talking, laughing, eating, and then know that in a few hours we would be getting dressed for the service.

My family is Christian, and they all have the servant’s spirit in them. They’re kind, they help others, they go on mission trips, they raise their children to pray and believe in God. I’ve always thought they were amazing and have wished that I led a similar life (and I may yet), but while I call myself a Christian because I pray to one God, not many, my habits are rooted a little more in the earth and her cycles. I feel comfortable and happy following moon phases, lighting candles with an intention, and celebrating the solstice days each year. I like the rhythm of it, though I am also comfortable going to church, and I was looking forward to hearing my cousin’s service, especially when I heard that my uncle would be speaking.

He began with the Bible verse quoted above, and went on to speak about my cousin and what a great man he was. And it’s true. He was. His urn sat at the front of the church, and there was standing room only in the sanctuary. People were lined up and down the hallway, along the walls at the back and sides of the church, and kids were sitting in laps to make extra room for other adults. It was beautiful to see so many tears, and I got up at one point to run to the restroom (I was on antibiotics for a severe sinus infection and needed tissues, crying was actually quite painful) and found two women standing in the bathroom, sobbing. I never found out who they were but the image of them with their heads bowed, faces turned toward the wall, and tissues held to their faces has stuck with me.

There is no real wrap up to this post today, but I want to point out that even the most perfect families have secrets that run through them, deep and black like seams of anthracite through a mountain. These secrets don’t make them any less perfect in my opinion, and they may sit for years undisturbed, or some event may cause them to catch fire and burn unseen, smoldering and smoking until the explosion inevitably takes place.

My cousin was very sick. I didn’t know. No one talked about it. I doubt it would have made a difference if they had…but still, I wish I had known. I could have prayed for him and for the rest of my family, or I could have lit a candle for him. I could have gone out to look at the full moon and thought about him being whole, and healthy, and happy. But all I could do was pray for him after the fact, and light that candle when I got home… and let it burn until it quietly went out on it’s own.